This is a story of living forwards and understanding backwards. At the heart of this storyline is the dark terrain of the lasting impact of sexual violence against children. Perhaps the time is right for such a narrative.
For the past two decades, while trying to come to terms with my own childhood, I’ve found myself periodically drawn to look at the statistics presented by various research initiatives and advocacy centres established to aid and assist survivors of childhood sexual abuse. While I’ve referenced a few of these at the back of this book, it’s important to note that I’m not an academic, therapist, or crisis counsellor. What stood out for me is the enormity of child sexual abuse and the magnitude of the lasting negative consequences.
In the United Kingdom, over 45,000 cases are reported annually. Professor Dame Sue Black from the University of Dundee, speaking for Wired UK in February 2018, said ‘To put that in perspective, that’s 124 cases per day, the size of a medium-sized school of children being abused every week in the UK. 1:20 children in the UK have been sexually abused; 1:3 children abused by an adult don’t tell, we really have no idea. Over 90% of children have been sexually abused by someone they know.’
In the United States of America, there are more than 42 million survivors of sexual abuse. Every 9 minutes child protective services substantiate or find evidence for a claim of child sexual abuse. 1:3 girls and 1:5 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. 1:5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet before the age of 18. 30% of sexual abuse is never reported. 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way.
In the USA the scope and impact of sexual violence are difficult to measure, and there is no single source of data that provides a complete picture of the crime and its effect on all victims. The effects of child sexual abuse can be long-lasting and affect the victim’s mental health.
Victims are more likely than non-victims to experience the following mental health challenges: about four times more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse, about four times more likely to experience PTSD as adults, and about three times more likely to experience a major depressive episode as adults.
Further, adults with major depression who experienced abuse as children had poorer response outcomes to antidepressant treatment, especially if the maltreatment occurred when they were aged seven years or younger.
Abused children are more likely to engage in sexual risk-taking as they reach adolescence, including a higher number of sexual partners, earlier initiation of sexual behaviour, and transactional sex (sex exchanged for money, gifts, or other material support). Several studies have documented the correlation between child abuse and future juvenile delinquency and criminal activities.
In the UK existing research has linked child sexual abuse with low self-esteem and mental health conditions. The accounts provided to the Truth Project have supported this: victims and survivors have reported a range of mental health issues that are a result of the sexual abuse they suffered.
The most common issues reported were depression (33%), lack of trust in authority (32%), thoughts of suicide (28%), anxiety (28%), self-harming (22%), and attempted suicide (22%). Participants said that they were most likely to experience anxiety, fear, depression, self-harm, and thoughts of suicide. Panic attacks, low self-confidence, obsessions, eating disorders, and alcohol and drug use were reported as well.
There are also long-term effects of child sexual abuse that include a range of illnesses and disabilities: hypertension, chronic fatigue, malnutrition, mobility, and problems with reproductive systems and childbirth. I could go on; the list of consequences appears to be endless.
What I struggle to wrap my head around is that if I accept these statistics, victims of childhood sexual abuse could arguably be the single largest demographic group of people living on planet earth. Yet the topic remains the number one international taboo – we just don’t talk.
At age eight I swore myself to secrecy, and as far as I was concerned my decision had worked up until my mid-forties. But after a third failed marriage, my inner world became shattered with flashes of returning childhood memories. Internally, I was devastated, depressed, screaming, and afraid. Fortunately, in my outer world, I had children who needed me – and the saving grace of a single parent’s school runs and the three-meals-a-day routine – to get me up, keep me going, and keep me reasonably sane.
Additionally, I was extraordinarily grateful to have found the Twelve Step program. It was there I heard, to quote How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics, ‘Most of us have had good reasons for hiding certain information from ourselves – it hurt!’ And I was given the tools to begin the process of recovery: to recognize my pattern of attraction to the emotionally unavailable who I thought I could love, pity and rescue; to let go of resentments; to acknowledge the child victim; to find a compassionate understanding for those who I’ve been privileged to love.
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