I write about the scope and consequences of child abuse to inform the public and offer hope. My work is freely available to anyone who needs it, and I intend to keep it that way. If you’re moved by what I share and wish to support my writing, I welcome your contribution.
For over two decades, I’ve walked beside other survivors, journaling, listening, and learning. When I was asked to share my personal journey of recovery, I had no idea that writing would cost me all my worldly possessions, my sanity, my relationships with friends and family and that it would ultimately nearly cost me my life. What keeps me going is the deep sense of meaning and purpose I get from seeing other survivors find their voice. And the quiet sanity I’ve found in telling the truth.
After thirteen years, I completed Not Knowing: A Father’s Story. I wrote it to break my silence and offer connection, and if my story helps even one person feel less alone, then it’s worth telling.
Starting this month, I’ll be releasing one chapter per week, freely available here on WordPress. I hope these reflections offer comfort, clarity, or companionship to anyone walking a similar path.
I invite you to read my first post: Why I Wrote “Not Knowing: A Father’s Story” and Why I’m Speaking Now.
The Global Scope
Post 1: The Silence Is Global
The scope is vast.
The data is incomplete.
And the silence is profound
UNICEF estimates that 650 million girls and women alive today were sexually abused as children.
The World Childhood Foundation confirms: 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 7 boys will experience sexual violence before age 18.
These are not rare stories. They’re hidden ones.
They cross borders, languages, and generations.
And still—we barely speak.
It’s why I wrote Not Knowing: A Father’s Story.
It’s why I speak now.
Not to shock. Not to campaign.
But to offer truth and connection. And a place to begin.
Post 2: What We Know
A 2025 study in JAMA Pediatrics reviewed nearly one million children across 80 countries.
It found:
- 11% had experienced sexual harassment
- 9% contact sexual violence
- 6% forced sexual intercourse
Girls were disproportionately affected.
Boys were underrepresented.
And in many regions, the data simply doesn’t exist.
The silence isn’t just personal. It’s structural.
We don’t know the full picture.
But we know enough to say:
This is not rare. This is not isolated. This is not someone else’s problem.
Post 3
Survivors may be one of the largest unspoken demographics on Earth. Yet the topic remains taboo. We just don’t talk.
- CDC (2024):
- The CDC defines child sexual abuse as abuse involving any person under the age of 18.
- At least 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 20 boys experience child sexual abuse in the U.S.
- RAINN / Journal of Adolescent Health (2014):
- 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys under 18 experience sexual abuse or assault
- David Finkelhor (Crimes Against Children Research Center):
- 28% of U.S. youth aged 14–17 report lifetime sexual victimization
- RAINN cites research from David Finkelhor and colleagues (Journal of Adolescent Health, 2014), which found:
- 1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys under age 18 experience sexual abuse or assault.
- RAINN also notes:
- 66% of victims under 18 are aged 12–17
- 34% are younger than 12
- These statistics reflect both reported cases and survey-based estimates of abuse before age 18.
United States
- Child Protective Services: Every 9 minutes, a case of child sexual abuse is substantiated. Over 42 million survivors live in the U.S. today.
- Internet Safety: 1 in 5 children are sexually solicited online before age 18.
- Disclosure: 30% of abuse is never reported. 90% of victims know the perpetrator.
United Kingdom
NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children)
- Annual Reports: Over 45,000 cases of child sexual abuse are reported each year.
- Perspective from Dame Sue Black: 124 cases per day—like a medium-sized school of children being abused every week.
- Prevalence: 1 in 20 children have been sexually abused. 1 in 3 don’t tell. Over 90% know the perpetrator.
I didn’t write Not Knowing – A Father’s Story to be brave.
I wrote it because silence was no longer safe.
Because my children deserve truth.
Because survivors deserve to be seen.
Because the numbers are staggering—and still, we don’t talk.
Health Consequences for Survivors
Some studies show that 70% of survivors suffer with Mental health issues
In my book Not Knowing – A Father’s Story, I opened up about my own mental health.
But I’ve also walked beside other survivors—each carrying their own echoes.
Magical thinking, Addiction, Depression, Eating disorders, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Suicidal ideation, Schizophrenia. As I said in my book- the list of consequences seems endless.
These aren’t just diagnoses.
They’re survival strategies.
Post 1: What Doesn’t Fade
Time alone cannot erase the lasting impact of child sexual abuse.
They ripple—through bodies, minds, relationships, and decades.
Survivors are not just healing from trauma.
They’re navigating depression, anxiety, chronic illness, and silence.
A 2025 study in Frontiers in Psychiatry found that adults with CSA histories had:
• 22–24% higher likelihood of depression
• 2.8–4.2 more days of poor mental health per month
• Significantly worse physical health outcomes
This is not just trauma. It’s lifelong impact.
And still—we barely speak.
Post 2: The Cost can be Lifelong
Psychology Today / CDC Estimates (2021):
In the U.S., survivors of childhood sexual abuse are:
• 2–3× more likely to experience PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders
• 2.5× more likely to attempt suicide
• More likely to struggle with substance abuse and poor response to treatment
If the abuse occurred before age 7, medication can be less effective or may even backfire.
The body remembers. So does the mind.
I write not to campaign. But to connect.
To say: I see you. You’re not alone.
Post 3: UK Voices, Quiet Truths
The UK’s Truth Project gathered testimony from thousands of survivors.
Among them:
• 33% reported depression
• 32% lacked trust in authority
• 28% had suicidal thoughts
• 22% had attempted suicide
Others described panic attacks, eating disorders, substance abuse, and low self-confidence.
These are not rare outcomes. They’re common ones.
And yet—this remains the number one international taboo.
We just don’t talk.
Post 4: Helping Survivors (2024):
CSA is linked to:
- Lifelong emotional and relational challenges
- Revictimization, sexual risk-taking, and poor treatment response for depression
- Educational and economic setbacks
Physical Health Consequences
- CDC & Longitudinal Studies:
Survivors report higher rates of:
- Chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, obesity
- Hypertension, fatigue, reproductive health problems
- Poor response to antidepressants, especially if abuse occurred before age 7
Attraction
One of the hardest truths I’ve had to face—and one I see echoed in many survivor stories—is the pattern of being drawn, again and again, to people who feel familiar.
But “familiar” can mean very different things.
Sometimes, that pull comes from abusive personalities—people who, consciously or not, have refined instincts for spotting vulnerability. They mirror the emotional chaos we grew up with, and their attention can feel intoxicating. These are not safe connections. They often echo the power imbalances and harm we knew as children.
Other times, the pull comes from what I call “wound-buddies”—partners who carry similar scars. The attraction is mutual, rooted in shared trauma. It can feel like recognition, like home. But even here, trauma bonding isn’t the same as compatibility. Shared pain doesn’t guarantee shared values, emotional safety, or growth.
Both patterns are powerful. Both can feel like love. And for many survivors, myself included, it takes time—and often heartbreak—to begin recognizing the difference. Healing means learning to choose differently. It means asking not just “Do they understand my pain?” but “Can we build something safe together?” That shift is quiet, slow, and deeply courageous. It’s part of what I explore in Not Knowing – a Father’s Story.